Stephanie isn't in denial, the stats for single parents and child with single parents are pretty grim. Stephanie shares her story of overcoming those odds.
Stephanie Gonzalez is a 16 year old who grew up and was raised in Chicago by her single mother and older brother. She is an honor roll student who constantly tries to do her best in everything she does just for the sake of self achievement. She has a great fascination for music and art. Stephanie always liked to learn new things. She plans to go to college and graduate.Stephanie will speak from personal experience of growing up in a single parent home and why our culture needs to reconsider the way we perceive single parents.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
As soon as the divorce. The other kids treat them differently. Like lower class.
When women had abortions, they lost so much. To have to even think that is a sin.
Do they treat all life without the love they lost with the idea to just get rid of any other?
Henlo. I am only child, single mother.
I never realized how difficult chasing my dreams, and trying to gain financial stability on my own and for both of us.
I feel majorly diminished because Im having a difficult time finding that balance.
In any case, doubt it since this is just an anecdotal. There are statistics that show impacts of single parent households.
Note that it's through logical reasoning why single parent households tend to be less productive. What would you do as a parent alone without the support of a welfare state to maintain your family? Are you going to make money or are you going to spend more on quality time? You can of course balance them out.
It takes a man to see the reson and to look for a solution. It takes a woman to complain and blame everything on men. Dear speaker, your only advise to single MOTHERS is that nothing is wrong, they can continue as they do. WRONG! Feminism is a cancer! They have to repeat it every morning to their kids and to themselves. There is a way to undo this damage to kids, but it can not be done by men anymore. Think why and think how situation can be improved for those poor kids! The solution is obvious for most men, but it does not help, when men try to articulate it. For once it has to come from women only... You are now strong, you are now independent. And you are ruining the generation of kids, who will be the last generation of this civilization just to be substituted by barbarians - the usual nature’s choice to fill in a vacuum of unfit to survive. So, please, think and talk to other women, make an impact, not just whine!
You need your father in your life period look at the world now cause everyone thinks they don’t. That’s why our sons are walking around with women tendencies. There is no order that’s because the father is not in the home
She is saying a lot of nothing. This said “The effects of a single parent household”. This is just her talking about a couple of examples of a single parent household. It didn’t talk about the actual effects; the welfare state and it’s drain on society, the correlation between the rate of property crime and the amount of single mothers, or the fact that as long as society deems it ok the more it is going to happen. Nothing about K vs R selection, or anything substantial really. It’s all a bunch of personal stories. I thought Ted was about sharing ideas, not about allowing personal stories to seduce what I’m trying to contemplate. If you want to do that fine, but don’t mislead people’s thoughts. I come from a single mother household too. I want to actually see the effects it has on the world, not to tell stories.
I would be so pissed if I paid for a ticket and had to listen to such an ineffective speaker. Sounds like she should be speaking in front of her high school class, not an auditorium of paying listeners..
We live in a system that is not supportive to women as mother's and men as father's. Work and sometimes education come between family, also family patterns and history of abandonment. Fight the system! Pray invite God to do miracles in your life, continue to fight, don't settle for normal.
For a wonderful time in my life I interacted with many children. On occasion I saw a child needed some "daddy"time' the signal could be behavioral, stuttering, lisping or something equally insignificant. I had three of my own but would wait till I could give that child my exclusive time. It always helped.
As a kid I never thought family impacted my life. Now I'm 24 and I only noticed dysfunctional relationships in my past. I grew up with my mother only, as a girl. I noticed letting myself being used in relationships like my mother was. I have zero notion what is being friends with a guy. I never saw my parents even talking to eachother. My father impregnated my mother and threw her away. The problem was she always acted like that was ok, it was normal to be treated like that.
Girl, please disregard the guy who made offensive (and quite clearly erroneous) assumptions about your mother. Regarding what you shared, thank you, and I am so sorry that you're struggling. What you do have going for you is remarkable self-awareness. Perhaps the next step is utilizing this awareness to make positive changes in your life? While it's true that our upbringing strongly influences our behavior into adulthood, too often we minimize the control and independence that we do have over our own lives. Perhaps you could generate some short-term goals and decide what feasible actions you can take to achieve them.
She acted like it was normal because this was part of the plan. A lot of women now a days want to have it all. They want to have the kids and be able to still date other men and have fun. It is hard for me as a guy because I keep meeting women who just want to have kids but not really interested in a relationship. Too many women are like con artist now a days.
I went through a no fault divorce haven't gotten to see my daughter in three years, needless to say my daughter will repeat k-12 so I get my parenting time and if she is defiant and says she will not she doesn't have a future in this world! I had a child to raise a child!
Place 90% of family responsibility on women then wonder why they become single moms. Duh they've been doing majority of the work. Men start looking like dead weight. Men running around talking about how logical they're and how emotional women are not realizing women need their emotional needs met to nurture and care for a family. Men created this state with their constant whining and self loathing. Men have just become as needy as children. The woman that choose it are looking for relief much of the time. Sit down and have an honest conversation with a woman that's been married 50 years. Look at these comments, who wants to dedicate their lives to people who have contempt for them and see them as subservient? No one. Why are women fleeing men in droves? Yeah I guess if you get blamed for everything you might feel you're better off on your own. Ijs
+Charlie w men end relationships at a higher rate than women. In marriage though, women file over 80% of divorces. 1, because they believe they "deserve" more without having to work at it. And 2, mothers believe they can make it on their own and they can't. They file for divorce and then file that the men pay for their home or rent, their utilities, pay more than the share of the kids, they file for half of retirement they didn't contribute to, and close to 40% of single mothers drag their kids through poverty as opposed to 21% of single fathers.
I'll be the one to break it to you but this new Washington Administration hates welfare and on thier target list is child support. Women will either have to shared equal possession of children or lose CS benefits and we all know they can't survive on thier own without it. No worries though, there will still be a few welfare and entitlement programs for women. Women will always have assistance programs because they've always required it.
+Orlando Marquez and your commeng about walking out on the women men no longer want is laughable. Plenty of women leave the man. Hence why over 70% of divorces are initiated by... WOMEN. Y'alls fragile ego just can't take it so you do thr cowardly thing and leave the child too. How many men get advances from women they don't find attractive and just laugh it off? Just ignore that person and be cordial? Since when did someone wanting you mean you had to want them back? Never in the history of ever. Just a lame excuse y'all use to protect your egos. Nothing should keep men from their children. Get a grip already.
+Charlie w women typically don't leave their kids... and they still end up with problems.
Men are ousted from their kids lives by family court judges because they make huge profits under Socal Security Title IV-D. When a father has 4 to 6 days a month to raise his kids and mom has the rest, kids turn out disasterous and statistics prove it.
I haven't seen either of my kids. They're both with different women, 5 years apart. I wanted to be there, always did. Neither of the pregnancies were planned. I've learned to live with it all. I know they are both taken care of by the government. I was discarded both times. I've realised as the years have passed, that it was a blessing in disguise. You really do reap what you sow in life ladies.
+ClapThemCheeks It's kind obvious that he's referring more towards the commonality of single kids having a trouble of upbringing (especially boys). People that are in jail are naturally either desperate or are unfortunately vastly uneducated, boys need to learn the guidelines of the world around them at a young age, they are impressionable from any outside influences... unfortunately the state of poverty that is natural from single income causes stress on a large scale. This inherently sows the seeds of a constant desperation that children in middle class children don't have till they're mid 20s, but you are giving that stress to a baby that will always be there. When we even look at children that rise out of poverty, they have a huge chance to still keep the mental issues that were present. Mental patients went from asylums to prisons in the 1960s when JFK didn't get to start the program's that he planned to have replace mental asylums. Look at the state of prisons average mental state, and compare it to children that have been raised by a single mother... it's scary and it should be a big reason for any single parent kid to not want to start a single parent family of their own (which is sadly common). I myself was born into a two parent household. The thing is my mother came from a family that divorced family after she graduated, and my father had to be in a divorced family at age 7. They are still married but most of the martial problems and stresses comes from my father. He had to take care of 4 other siblings, he has been a father since the age of 7 and it shows.
Depends on how the mother raises their kid cause I was raised from a single mother and I’m not a bad person or desire to kill someone. Also single mothers can raise a good well behaved successful person
Or mothers keep the father away through parental alienation.I pay support ,Medical insurance. I am refused parenting time with my children. For doing nothing more than leaving our abusive relationship. My punishment, no parenting time, not a picture, not a phone call nothing except the bill. I dont know what they look like if they re safe. Some of us want to be fathers and be loving and supportive. These Family courts are abusive and destroy families
I totally Understand, my son is dealing with that SITUATION and I told my son before she got pregnant that she WASN'T the one.
So because my Son won't tolerate her dictatorship of what she does and doesn't want him to do, she's using his daughter as a weapon that she's withholding.
At any rate, I'm just the Grandmother, but I am taking him to the court's to get his DNA and Paternal RIGHTS.
So sad., I wished my son would have LISTENED.
Children are the ones that pay for the other SELFISH Parents MISTAKES and Misappropriation. Leaving the children to feel unloved by the other, when that's the furthest thing from the TRUTH !
+Shyhalu im a single mom to my kid... Their father is abusive and in a cult.
He only gets a day that we negotiate on. Where he either tries to bring his new fling, tries to force himself on me when my kid falls asleep, or goes so he can boast to his cult and get some free tang.
"You forgot to add resposibility of the Fathers. Man up or find out how!"
You are kidding? We have a legal system that barely allows men to visit their kids. 1 day a week and you want to blame fathers?
+LolWOT LOL. And America isn't a poor country. How many people are starving? The average welfare payment a single mother gets for pushing out a thugs baby and free housing is living 10x higher the standard of living as an average person in those poor countries.
LolWOT actually it's not poverty, it's social inequality. There are very poor countries but with low Gini Coefficient with low violence rates, and all the most violent ones have a high Gini Coefficient (very inequal), regardless of development status.
I'm a singke dad with full blown custody begging for their mom to spend more time with them, she always says no im just folloing a court order, wich breaks a daddy's heart, so how do I become that role modes when you've continously get shut down by the system.
+davess357 Its not the presentation that was an issue it was that we all expected her to not incourage single families. As a society marriage is the best way to keep people happier, Christianity grew exponentially because while they had flawed morals they created morals that were evolutionary for a childs potential. If a kid decides I want to abstain from physical relationships till i find a another person who has done the same has a greater potential to keep that person happy and wealthy throughout life. You are less likely to divorce, likelier to be happy, less likely to ever be in prison, less likley to drop out of school or careers, and more likely to have children that have a higher IQ.
I'm not trying to say being raised in a single parent household means game over automatically, but it makes it all the more important that you learn from the mistakes that created you and try to find better role models. Society today is really accepting horrific behavior that should be obviously known but it cant be address as an issue because an entire political identity thinks that its already a clear cut case when it comes to what they think is right... no matter the issue
telling a kid in a single parent home to just not listen make good choices and succed is like telling a drug addict to just say no, it completely ignores all the causal factors psychological and environmental..
Why is there even single parents in this world?
Women's Liberation & Lifestyle
Women's Liberation: This movement is teaching women to be independent, no rely on a man, make your own money and have abortions cos it's your body and your life.
Lifestyle: If they're not single parents, both parents will work too much and abandon the children in the process. This wasn't like this when Mom's stayed home and became "Housewives". The system has now designed it to where both Dad and even Mom needs to work to make enough money to survive and in return the children are left to their own devices with little to no adult supervision. This will cause great destruction to a child's mind!
I think she mised an element of parenthood. There are those of us who choose to be single parents becausw we never met anyone to fall in love with or simply never desired marriage but we weren't going to deny ourselves the joy of parenthood. So, are all of those single people who choose surrogacy or adoption to be labeled as bad parents? Will those children be bitter? I doubt it because they have grown up in a loving, caring home and that's all that matters in the end.
Mark Gailmor You are soooo right. Having children is a joy and no matter how they come into your life and what your circumstances or choices are, as long as you focus on the joy your child will too. I am a product of a single mother and I am a hard working educated citizen. So are my successful siblings. I am optimistic about life. As a single parent myself now, I have NEVER made being single an issue and therefore, neither has my child. She is happy, secure, healthy and loved. That is all a child needs. As a parent, if you keep focusing on what's "missing", so will your child. Being a single parent has been tough sometimes but it is a true blessing for me AND my daughter. We are happy. THIS needs to be the focus, regardless of what society may say. It's your life and other folks should prob focus on their own problems and challenges. I'm sure everyone has their own. This sad, bitter, "less-than" focus on single parents has to go bye-bye. From my experience, we do better with our kids than some two parent homes!
I think you're missing my point too. Should i not adopt because I'm a single guy? How many children in the world will end up in jail, or on the streets because they do not have the loving support that you had growing up? Life isn't perfect. I didn't have a father growing up. And in my heart, I know I missed something but I can't truly miss something I didn't have. So it is my need to feel the love from a father, which I never got, that would point me towards adopting my own children so I can smother them with the love I didn't get. But hey, I'm not angry. My mom did the best she could. She wasn't a super affectionate mom but that was a part of her own conditioning. Her parents weren't very affection towars her. I am the oddball to break this line because I grew up to be a very loving, affectionate guy and you know what? None of the girls I dated appreciated how affectionate I am. Now isn't that a laugh? And one more thing. Children who are raised by single parents grow up to be loving, productive members of our society because they grew up in a loving home.
So you don't need a man hey. Who built the house you live in, every building you visit including where you shop, who built the roads you drive on...... Grow up, men built every thing, there's a reason why we call stuff that isn't part of nature, MAN made.
look young doesn't mean you are in good health.
i know many young(ish) good looking people who have found they had chronique deasases.
And William is right, forget the "I" and look around you and try again to answer !
Jason Johnson as long as men shirk their responsibility and deceive and lie, this will not get better. Brave men own up to their part. I would expect you to hold other men accountable, as women have had to be accountable and raise children alone. Good Fathers are needed, girls need fathers who teach them how to avoid players who will use them.
Go back to playing video games little man!
People are totally missing the point when it comes to single parenthood. In reality it's not two parents versus one parent but support versus lack of support. Children need many caregivers and role models. Even two parents are not enough and economy makes it hard for parents to find time for their children.
A single parent household which is financially stable and has benefit of support of extended family and comunity is way better for a child then two parent household which is isolated, financially deficient and where parents struggle with mental health, stress and relationship problems.
The focus should be not on constant pointing out disadvantaged of single parenthood but on making our society more supportive of families and children in general. It does take a village to raise a child.
Buck Young you haven’t read studies than. A peek into reliable or peer review psychology/anthropology/ sociology studies will show the original poster knows exactly what they’re talking about. Something surprising to me - boys, not girls, are the ones that need a wider peer group. Boys thrive at a rate higher than girls when they have coaches, extended family, scout leaders they can rely on.
Aleksandra Mi Mothers and fathers each bring unique talents to the table and despite the rhetoric , one cannot be both. Children who come from broken homes are more likely to go to prison, not finish college, do drugs and repeat the cycle with their children. It isn’t rocket science. Neither the government, nor the public school system raised me. My parents did.
kudos to you Stephanie for your bravery and honesty towards this fragile topic. your mom should be proud to have done a awesome job without the help of a father. she has done more than some mothers who have the support of the father parent. keep striving Stephanie!! #celebratingYOU
The incentives for both divorce and single motherhood are too high and the consequences are too low. Until these dynamics change, expect more of the same negative perceptions about single mothers. Also, contrary to the mass media and what feminist and women's orgs maintain, the vast majority are not victims, but single moms by choice.
+Ash O Fortunately, those days will be soon over. Women, young and old, today make it abundantly clear that they don't need men, unless it is to be their personal ATM and a scapegoat. A lot of young men observed this attitude in their own mothers, aunts, teachers, co-workers and girlfriends. I think now men believe it. And like anything else, belief inform our actions, don't they? Most young men age 12-20 right now will never agree to get married and will never have children. Young women will have to be accountable for themselves for once. Society will buckle under the strain. Taxpayers, most of which are male, have had enough already supporting intentional single mothers and their errors in judgement.
It's nice to see the world at large taking a second look at divorce and all the shit that brings. I myself am the child of a poor, white, hippie household and my childhood pretty much ended with my parents divorce. Imagine what it's like with not 1 but 2 single parent households struggling to make ends meet and hoping to their sacrifices lead to something better. Now throw in childhood videogame escapism, poor parenting skills which came from 2 brokenish households, being anti-social and emotionally withdrawn from living in the middle of nowhere, AND being uttely unable to talk to your parents about your parents because you'd either be A) criticizing either of the persons you singularly depend on for their actions when you know they don't need any more problems like your complaints or B) telling one about the other's life which might lead to various forms of harassment/legal bs.
This conversation is nearly 20 years overdue for me, and im glad that the middle class is getting so squeezed by everything that it's forcing them to take another look at the poor people already underwater.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEING IN A SINGLE PARENTS HOUSEHOLD ALL OF A SUDDEN AUTOMATICALLY MEANT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE? PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN SINGLE PARENT HOUSEHOLDS DO JUST FINE AND MANY WITH BOTH PARENTS STILL FUCK UP.
I REALLY DON'T GET THE POINT OF THIS. IT FELT LIKE AN EXTRA CREDIT SCHOOL PROJECT AND THE WAY SHE KEPT SHIFTING HER WEIGHT DROVE ME CRAZY. ALSO YOU CAN'T ACT LIKE YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS THAT YOUR DAD ISN'T THE PICTURE AND THEN READ SOME SAD LYRICS ABOUT WHY HE LEFT YOU.
The girl is right when it comes to great numbers. Yes, some child born in two-parents families grow up to be screw ups, while some single mom's offspring becomes a CEO, but statistically speaking that's highly unlikely. A disproportionate amount of US inmates are from single parents families, whereas most engineers and CEOs are from two-parents household.
+Emal A This has SJW agenda written all over it and continues to demonize the father. Yet:
The DHHS data shows that of children abused by one parent
between 2001 and 2006, 70.6% were abused by their
mothers, whereas only 29.4% were abused by their
And of children who died at the hands of one parent between
2001 and 2006, 70.8% were killed by their mothers,
whereas only 29.2% were killed by their fathers.
Furthermore, contrary to media portrayals that leave the
viewer with the impression that only girls are ever harmed,
boys constituted fully 60% of child fatalities.
(Table 4-3, p. 71, Child Maltreatment 2006, http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm06/cm06.pdf,
reports that 675 boys died in 2006 as compared to 454
The pervasive media bias cannot help but influence judges.
Thus the newspapers, TV shows, and movies that promote this
bias must bear a significant part of the responsibility for
child abuse and deaths of children at the hands of violent
Not really a great talk imho. She could have focused on more important consequences. Sure, taking care of younger brothers and sisters may impose a sense of responsibility upon older siblings, however, being obligated to mature without anyone to look up at its way harder. This complicates even more when the child lives in a chaotic household.
I have witnessed my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends divorce in high numbers. All I have been exposed to is drama, fights over money and material possessions.
Because of this I don't believe in marriage and starting a family. Just too traumatized of the idea of marriage. If you want to learn the root cause of single parenthood, look at monetary policy, feminism's unintended consequences, divorce courts money making industry and many other factors to fuel single parenthood.
You and your bae have been together for a while now. Youve passed that initial exciting spark phase. Youve passed the first "I love you." Maybe youve even passed the wedding vows. Things have slowed down now, though, and you eventually start thinking back to your single days. Its not necessarily that youre unhappy; its that you have an inexplicable longing for your single life routine. So what do you do with these feelings? Take advice from ladies who shared how to deal with wanting to be single, even when youre in a happy relationship, on a recent Reddit thread.
First of all,relax and be glad that you are living a completely normal life. This happens with all. We crave for the things that we miss in our lives,thats human nature. I think you take your relationship like a burden,just an assumption based on the fact that you search for isolation and peace when you are in a relationship. Maybe you should take it a bit lightly,give your partner their space and have some for yourself too. Enjoy it rather carrying it as a burden. I would recommend you make more friends and eventually you will find some people with whom you speak your heart out without the burden of a relationship. Just relax because this is what growing up is. This is faced by one and all. Best of luck.