original source: https://youtu.be/R_GPAl_q2QQ?t=2h8m58s
Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson underlines the importance of the image of a father figure which is fragmented throughout society in friends, books, movies, sports and education. It is tough to grow up without an actual father and all families are certainly not equal.
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Man, I love this man !!
He is simplifying facts to the level that a donkey can`t not agree. Yes, conservative religious families pretty much already adopt most of his ideas, but he is stating them scientifically for everyone in the public spectrum to understand.
I was 9 when my dad died it changed me so much I used to be a playful child to a aggressive person and it makes me feel like I need to treat my friends like I am there father I don’t let the ones that are close to me be harmed if my friends can’t stand up for them selfs I stand up for them I give my friends farther like advice that I have learned from experience the whole experience has really made me a strong person it’s kinda weird let me know if y’all can relate I am 12 now btw
Historically speaking a son from a fatherless home could have gone into a male dominated field or found a male dominated life style. Unfortunately, women are preferred over men in hiring for corporations so the workforce is female dominated. The army in most western nations is really a just a farce for more welfare money. And there are no new worlds to colonize or conquer. All of the roles which were traditionally masculine have been supplanted by a feminine tyranny to the detriment of all those who find themselves in the final days of western civilization.
My father left my mother, my two brothers and me. I was not even born yet, my mother was in her 9th month when he left us.I wish I had grown up with a father. I am still angry about this.Any substitute father could have made it for me.But Jordan makes it sound like it's the mother's fault. In many cases It's the man leaving his wife and kids for a new younger woman. Totally egoists!
Some parental rights groups note that upwards of 83% of all divorce cases that go through the U.S. court system award sole custody to just one parent, per the U.S. Census Bureau (2010). There are various social science research studies which show that children do much better in equal or shared custody situations than in sole custody scenarios. In fact, it has been reported that children are 146 times better in equal custody situations. So, why then do judges primarily award sole custody to just one parent if it is proven to not be in the children’s “best interests”?
Did you know that Title IV-D (Section 458) of the Social Security Act authorizes the federal government to make “incentive payments” to all 50 states for the collection of child and spousal support payments, paternity establishment, and administration costs? Under 50/50 shared parenting, there would be less money to collect from either parent for the states. Coincidentally, most court cases award sole custody to one parent. Splitting families while splitting profits!!!
It can be equally as traumatic for a child to live in a home without a mother or father. Some children who grow up in motherless homes may develop severe trust issues with loved ones and potential love interests. They may develop anxiety, depression, and live well below the poverty line without coming from a household with two working parents who bring in sufficient levels of income to pay the day-to-day bills. Young girls who grow up in homes without mothers may be the most at risk for developing behavioral, addiction, and relationship problems partly since children tend to emulate or mirror the parent of the same gender while growing up.
Let’s take a look at some of the numbers related to children from single-parent (fatherless or motherless) households:
* 92% of daughters of single parent homes (motherless or fatherless) are likelier to later end up divorced themselves; they are 164% likelier to have a premarital birth; and have a 53% higher chance of marrying as teenagers.
* 90% of runaway and homeless children are from fatherless homes. This is 32 times the national average.
* 85% of all children with behavioral disorder-type traits come from fatherless homes. This is 20 times the average, per the Center for Disease Control (CDC).
* 85% of all youths in the prison system come from fatherless homes. This is 20 times the average (per Texas Department of Correction, etc.).
* 80% of rapists with severe anger issues originate from fatherless homes. This is 14 times the average (per Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, pgs. 403 – 426).
* 75% of children or teenagers in chemical abuse treatment centers come from fatherless homes. This is 10 times the average.
* 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. This is 9 times the average, per the National Principals Association Report.
* 71% of pregnant teenagers don’t have a father directly involved in their life, per the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (March 26, 1999).
* 70% of youths who are in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes. This is 9 times the average, per the U.S. Department of Justice.
* 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. This is 5 times the average, per the U.S. Department of Health / Census.
Statistically, a child from a fatherless home has exponentially higher risks associated with the following issues:
* 32 times more likely to run away from home
* 20 times likelier to have behavioral disorder traits
* 20 times higher odds of ending up in prison
* 14 times likelier to commit rape
* 10 times more likely to end up in some type of addiction treatment center
* 9 times likelier to end up in a state-operated institution
* 9 times more likely to drop out of high school
*Sources: U.S. Justice Department, etc.
I do think it is important to keep in mind a bad father doesnt make anything better. Bad fathers are narcissistic, lack control of emotion(usually anger), discouraging, and quick to give up on their child. Assuming they are the man of the house, they also cannot be checked so they continue to destroy the home. In short, my point is a bad father can only make things worse.
Interesting. I agree with him. I remember listening Dr Phil once, many years ago, who said that You don;t stop your life once a child is born, you continue your thing, your train is moving same direction, kids just hop on the train along the way... I was a new mom at that time, and completely disagree with him, that was so stupid statement. Love Jordan
I grew up fatherless and am thinking that maybe this is a factor that makes me uncomfortable around other men.
I feel though that it takes a village to raise a child. I think if I grew up around more people or an extended family I will probably have less mental issues.
He's right, but he doesn't offer a solution. We used to have organizations like the boy scouts for boys, but look what's happened to them. Organizations that are aimed at helping fatherless boys are almost non-existent, and the few that are left are dominated by feminist ideologues who malign masculinity and tell social and historical narratives that destroy any sense of self-worth these boys have left.
What a load of ****. Girls should be raised differently from boys? When was this filmed, 100 years ago? By now there is more than enough scientific evidence that children are biological the same in their first years and that the biological differences don't happen until puberty kicks in. In those first years, it's their environment that makes them behave differently. Kind boys are bullied, adventurous girls are mocked. And you seriously think this is a good thing?!
To answer the question on the impact on girls development, I adapted to not having a consistent Father by finding strong male role models during high school employment and college. Now that I’m divorced and an older Mom myself (done with birthing the babies lol) I’m relieved to know that I’m off the hook to ever remarry since apparently Mr. Peterson has declared the purpose of marriage to be for the procreation and raising of children!
My father didn’t want to be a part of my life from the time I was in utero. My stepfather walked into my life when I was 2 but I didn’t get the deep father love I craved. I have spent my life dating older men, which I believe subconsciously, is my way of getting the fatherly connection. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s just how it manifested for me in my life.
Here's a great video that lays out this issue in a comprehensive, non-sexist way. I would encourage everyone watching this video, who is really interested in this subject, to give it a look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zycqpB-iyHA It's much more insightful than this one.
Man, that first questioner is very assuming - "the father's out of the home because he's an alcoholic, or whatever-whatever-whatever" Yeah, It's aaalways the man's fault he's not there isn't it, "lady"? "because he wasn't a good father-figure in the first place" lol Soooo assuming. How 'bout this "lady", maybe the mother drove him out because she was cheating, or because she's just a total narcissist who is unbearable to be around. Didn't think of any of those reasons, I'll bet. Nope - nope, can't take responsibility for making a poor choice in men either, I'll bet. Yeah, "lady", I *DO* see where you're going with this. Hey "lady", here's a little reality check for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zycqpB-iyHA Watch and learn.
Stereotypes in America's foundation of lies. Check out the universities here, a lot of the white students come from gated communities where there is no interaction of people of color whatsoever. And when they see a person of color this is the racist rhetoric that goes on in their head, "Stupid, Violent Criminal, Who Doesnt Amount to Shit". The white males treat the non-whites as if they have no knowledge and the white females treat the non-white males as if they're rapist who want to murder them.
Also the racist train of thought they were taught is that all non-whites used affirmative action to "invade" their university. A 2.0 and a 2.5 GPA isnt hard to obtain, but even its even worse at the prestigious university where a 3.5 GPA at least is needed and yet they think the non-white somehow "cheated" to get in.
But when there are white who come from more integrated areas or poorer areas, there are no problems.
Growing up in a stable two parent household is so rare these days it’s concerning. Many parents think simply by giving their children food and shelter is enough but it’s not. Children need to be given attention and to be disciplined appropriately. With many parents not doing that, children are looking at celebrities and other forms of media for guidance. Lazy parents who’d rather toss their crying kid an iPad or money to get them quiet instead of taking the time to teach them something about life. Maybe that’s why it seems that so many young adults are lost and depressed now more than ever.
I don't have children because I want more for a child than I can provide them with in this world; however I found that I grew up, not having had a father in some ways, by showing up for my wife when she really needed me. She was abused and in a bad way when I met her so at first I had zero interest in romance. But I realized she needed someone to love her rather than use her, given her history. I decided to be that man even though it was really hard and I made many mistakes. In the process I became an adult: it was the first time I had worked that hard to put another human's well-being above my own lust, pain-management and personal aspirations. I can see that this attitude would be even more the case with a child and it's painful to see how hostile we are to ourselves and our children as a culture. I'm feeling joy watching these talks.
I was raised by a single father who sacrificed EVERYTHING to raise me and my brother. His social life, his job, his love life, his finances and worst of all, his health. It ALL took a backseat so that he could raise us as best as he possibly could.
I'm so grateful for him.
Wow...I love the lessons this guy teaches: Grow the hell up! That one hurt! But it's so true. Thank you, Jordan. I have always believed that if someone can't live a married life, don't get married...and if someone can't step back out of the spotlight so their children can shine, don't have children. It´s as SIMPLE as that!
And where does he talk about growing up in a motherless home? I want to know about the effects of that, too - on both male and female children. Has he done a lecture about that, and if not, why not? BOTH issues matter.
I don’t know how to act around guys and when I came to a school where there where manly teachers I was sooo scared and didn’t know what to do I hated their lessons and I ran away from them when I saw them outside of class.
I grew up without a father figure at home, I know my dad and I see him sometimes but he was never there a lot.
My Dad left the family when I was two and my step-Dad from age 10 was a suffering old man. But the interesting thing is that my Mum was quite a lot like a father figure. I never knew what mercy felt like. I was always judged. Probably why I turned into such a judgmental person. Everything has to be parsed through the judgment of logic and reason even though my disposition to seeking intuitive patterns gets in the way of forming logical conclusions.
My father died before I was born. My mother remarried and he wasn’t a good example. He made her choose between her kids futures and him.. so she left him. And now she’s been married to another man that she’s been with for 10 years and his much worse, his violent and uneducated, doesn’t believe in equality between men and women, disrespects my mum in front of the kids. I have five younger brothers and I fear for them. I blame my mother, for never being independent and making something of herself instead of constantly trying to bring a man into her life for the sake of financial stability. I blame her for not really putting her kids first but the mans needs. I honestly don’t know what goes on in her head but She’s certainly motivated me to be the best mother I can be for my kids, she’s everything I don’t want to be
this has nothing to do with a fatherless home. it's emphasizing the value of a two parent household. it could've just been as easily titled growing up in a motherless home. has nothing to do with either parent
I don't really know my mother or my father, and i still feel like a child in a mans body pretty much all the time. I can't seem to escape my childhood trauma, it defines me. Its a curse I can't seem to shake off and progress from. I'm a quitter and a loser and I just can't see myself being anything else. I don't trust myself to drag myself up from this.
It's both reassuring and alarming that so many young men here see Jordan Peterson as a father figure. Reassuring because he presents as the best kind of dad one could hope for, and alarming because there is obviously a huge void in society of good male role models.
See but isn't it a tad dangerous to people in, let's say, abusive realtionships to say that marrige and staying together is mainly for the kids because if the woman is getting abused surely it's not a very selfish decision considering the children would seemingly be better off in the long run. Surely people who divorce claim that they did it for their kids which i think is absurd but i see the logic that kids would be better off not seeing the fights and how bitter and resentful their parents can be as opposed to discovering the monsters that hide beneath everyone, including their parents? Just wondering.
Stats show that girls who come from fatherless homes are more likely to become pregnant as teenagers, and so continues the cycle of fatherlessness. It's sad, really, but there is hope. I'm lucky to have my mom and dad married and to have my dad in my life.
Yep, my parents divorced when I was eleven and for me it was a catastrophe. My mother was overbearing, stupid, selfish and erratic. Without the stabilising influence of my father she ruled as a mad queen, with no emotional or intellectual discipline. In short, my life became a huge pile of shit, and I couldn't wait to get away. Single mothers are kidding themselves when they say there is no down side for the children in such a situation, but as Peterson says it's almost illegal to say so.
I had a father. He had a bad temper, not a good provider, and wasn't around too much. Was not able to nurture me as a boy growing up. Did not have it in him. Too many issues in his own life. He was orphaned at age seven. His whole family was killed by Turkish Moslems. Miracle he survived. Hated him for years till I grew up and realized he could not give me what I needed as he had not received it himself. Could not give what he never had. Forgave him to a degree and felt bad for rejecting him in his old age after he died. Never married myself. Would not have made a good husband or father. Still working on my own issues in older age.
I grew up without a father. My single Mother was highly educated & did a terrific job. I've found that I seem to be as successful as my friends who had fathers--they seem to have no advantages. Single parenthood is not ideal, but you can achieve your goals, be happy & fulfilled.
You're right. I did well. I'm doing well. I'm grateful my dad wasn't in my life. A lot of bad things happened, but a lot of good things happened too. My dad's other kids he raised are doing terribly in life. One is in prison, one has HIV from shooting heroin, the other one committed suicide. Daddy wasn't doing something right in that house. Glad I wasn't apart of it.
When I discovered JP, I was indescribably grateful, but it also made me resent my Dad even more than I already do because I couldn't help but think how much better off I would be if my Dad had had even 1% the wisdom JP has. For me, I gravitated towards the hyper-masculine types, people like Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Hugh Jackman, etc, even fictional characters like Goku, and am likewise hypnotized by Peterson and his constant wisdom, insight, and life lessons. I can't fault my dad too much because his dad was pretty lacking also, and internet didn't even exist until he was around 50, so it wasn't easy like it is today to learn how to be a man, learn how to be a father. JP is the father so many of us never had.
I completely identify with this perspective. Its insane how such small circumstances like an iota of effort to an emotional connection or to understand the influences their emotions can have on their children would radically transform how your life developed upto now.
Cards we are dealt, eh? We can understand that it truly was your father fault. But know that it ultimately is now YOUR responsibility to make things right.
These days, women act like they HAVE to give the father the boot after they have kids with him! I will never understand that. They don't give a FUCK about removing the dad from the kid's life! They make visitation and any related situation, as difficult as possible! They won't stop until you can't take it anymore and stop all contact with the children. They are sick!
Her question was only partially answered. The answer, should you be listening ma'am, is as follows: a young man lacking father figures ought to have real people step in, in the fathers place. At a young age, a godfather and/or family members and/or the church body should be as present as possible. They should make a sacrifice. As Dr. Gabor Mate said to a live audience (which I was a part of), an ounce of prevention is worth perhaps ten thousand pounds of cure in this circumstance. The male parties should not only discipline, but establish that when the mother is engaged in any discipline, that she is also representing the father figures in his life. To put it another way, they present a united front, removing any illusion from the child that disobedience is a choice. Father figures should also take a leading role in potentially difficult tasks such as requiring the child to do their duties in learning and helping in the house. The mother can not be the sole person demanding all of this from the child. Also of note: should the child be told the mother is wrong to expect the child to do chores (such as the dishes) by anyone, especially those the child is attached to, disaster will ensue and the child will suffer terribly, since they now believe they can make decisions they are not mature enough to make. Like Dr. Peterson said, "they don't know anything". It should also be noted that young males can benefit a great deal from homeschooling or delayed enrollment.
For the adolescent male, he ought to be placed in anything as close to a guild as possible. Nowadays, that means apprenticeship. I say that because only in an apprenticeship at a small garage was discipline balanced with responsibility in my life. The outcome of this was I grew up and became resilient, responsible, more capable and outgoing in smart ways. My bosses wanted me to be as capable as could be - they wanted me to take over when they retired, and were always giving me greater responsibilities coupled with modest coaching. The boundaries they drew for me gave me freedom to grow. I would commend this with utmost confidence to an adolescent male.
With a female we have the issue of male approval. I can not comment on how to best substitute a missing father. I can only say that in the absence of a loving father a young woman is more likely to endanger herself seeking the sensation of unconditional male approval. Put another way, she will lower her standards. Naturally this does not work well, since a man is most likely to give proper sacrificial, unconditional love when a woman he has affection for refuses to settle for anything else. In otherwords, men rise to the occasion when women are uncompromising in their demands for good character in a male partner. Vice-versa, when women have no demands on men, men seldom raise the bar on their own.
hard life to growing up without a father my dad passed away when I was about 3 so I don't remember him at all and for the first years of my life about age 5 or 6 a lot of bad things happened to me including sexual and physical abused, my mother is a good mother but with my brothers and sister and all her bad feeling she let that happened to me some how she didn't know with sexual abused but know about the other bad things and she was weak just waiting the years to pass! my life was completely hard and many many bad memories and a I never stop thinking about all that stuff my personality just too different from the girl around me have always a fear of talking or meet people and making friends live with depression and permanent thoughts of suicide and self harm through the years , unfortunately I got married to man who couldn't get or treat me the right way and I was doing everything to make him happy because I thought that finally I will find the man who loves me but what I am really looking for is the father's love and feeling safe as he was with me but that didn't work and he cheating on me and eventually got divorce with a child I know I couldn't stay married not bcs I am selfish but because that time I felt I deserve the sadness with all what happened before My father left me how I can blame anyone else for doing that again ! I know I am not normal and had a lot to deal with but it harsh to think that it was easy to be a single mother with a child and pain I do what I can be a father and mother in the same time fighting depression and all the dark shadows from the past I hope I can win in this battle and save my life only for my little girl to be happy and doesn't live the hell I did!
I’m sorry if I’m lazy and if I seem critical of Jordan Peterson(which I’m not I absolutely love this guy)... But why at 2:32 does he say that boys are supposed to get away from their mothers?
I’m just curious because I’m getting away from my mom and I’m trying to find some justification lol
Super important, you see when people adopt father figures their entire world shifts.
I've seen people in their late 20's adopt father figures and have complete life transformations because of it. Learning lessons they should have learned when they were teenagers and the responsibility that comes with it all. It's no wonder those guys just sat about playing video games when they haven't been raised at all.
It's a damn shame and it isn't their fault. Guys blaming themselves for how bad their lives are but without seeing the causation of it all is so tragic. Once they realise and accept that not having a father was the catalyst issue then they adopt one and learn from it, their entire lives change.
You have no idea how relevant this is to me. I'm finding myself at 26 starting to come out of the "ego death" of my fathers betrayal. It turning me into an angry, miserable child that rejected him completely. Listening to Jordan Peterson describe items regarding anxiety, betrayal, and ego deaths, and I would break down with how it describes exactly how I ended up here.
Listen, not having a dad is hard. Growing up with a single mother, and only child... with a mother that isn’t there and was always gone working.
Been physically and sexually abused at a young age, and emotionally locking yourself up.
Thinking of my dad breaks me, because it shows me what I want the most... what I need the most. At the same time, I don’t want him back. He chose to leave, he chose to not be there... to not give a damn about me nor anything.
I’ve never told my mother about anything, not will I see a therapist. I’m too locked out, too closed off on this... I’m fine with saying it here, as it’s open... and I feel faceless and free.
I wish I had a dad, or even a parental figure to be there... for a boy to have his dad, is a man on man relationship. It’s a father son, and it’s priceless.
If you say people are fine without their fathers, sure... but I’m here vouching otherwise.
I’m emotionally shut out, and I refuse to show my emotions and won’t cry. I feel weak, and one day... I don’t want to be famous for fame, or rich for riches. I want to be known for doing something fantastic; so that day, my dad can see... and realize his mistakes and what he’s done to me. By not being there for me at all... but simply not doing anything, but leaving.
I just want him to see, what he missed out on. For once, to want me... to regret his choices; and I was a marriage baby and was planned... so it’s not like he didn’t want me to begin with.
I’m shut out, and don’t need help... don’t be me; go get yourself help:
*1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Hotline*
*1-800-656-4673 National Sexual Abuse Hotline*
*If you’re going through anything, seek help and don’t do it alone. This is from my own experience and it’s crushing and will ruin you... just talk to somebody! I had a teacher of mine that I was blessed with... who was my out, who was my therapist, and cared. They care, we care... I care.*
My father makes occasional appearances in my life, but doesn't attempt to know me, so I wouldn't say that I have a real father figure to look up to. As a child, I would find a father in people who were not blood-related or did not even exist. I found a father in my teachers, my friends' fathers, and in the characters of the books I've read. This of course does not replace the feeling of having a biological father who is actually loving, though :/
What about girls growing up in a motherless home? I was raised by a single dad as an only child. I thought sometimes it might be nice to have a mom but I couldn't stand any of the women my dad brought home. I left as soon as I could by getting married.
Like the video (thought Peterson isn't great at answering the questions directly) but god, how face slappingly uninspiring to read all the whiny and straightforwardly respectless comments about people's moms (and, to lesser extent, dads).
This is why I follow Jordan and like minded people. Alan Watts ect...
My mother is an amazing women but I didn’t know how to be a man. I’m learning so that I can teach my little brother, from my mistakes, experiences and readings.
I grew up without a father, and than my mom made a lot of bad choices after it, she had two more children with another Man, who treated me and my sister in the worst ways that He could, and the only thing she did was being quiet and watch. How do i feel now? Pretty shitty, am i a fucked up kid? Yes i am, i struggle every day, cause i feel like i wont ever have a healthy relationship because of my trust issues and my insecurities, because both my parents fucked up my life. I've been struggling my whole life with the ghosts of my past, but I try to see it like an opportunity to learn and to be stronger. The pain won't last forever. I'll heel sooner. I'm optimistic about it
You and your bae have been together for a while now. Youve passed that initial exciting spark phase. Youve passed the first "I love you." Maybe youve even passed the wedding vows. Things have slowed down now, though, and you eventually start thinking back to your single days. Its not necessarily that youre unhappy; its that you have an inexplicable longing for your single life routine. So what do you do with these feelings? Take advice from ladies who shared how to deal with wanting to be single, even when youre in a happy relationship, on a recent Reddit thread.
First of all,relax and be glad that you are living a completely normal life. This happens with all. We crave for the things that we miss in our lives,thats human nature. I think you take your relationship like a burden,just an assumption based on the fact that you search for isolation and peace when you are in a relationship. Maybe you should take it a bit lightly,give your partner their space and have some for yourself too. Enjoy it rather carrying it as a burden. I would recommend you make more friends and eventually you will find some people with whom you speak your heart out without the burden of a relationship. Just relax because this is what growing up is. This is faced by one and all. Best of luck.